80’s really?

I know that I am exactly in my mid twenties but the idea of going out to a club seems sooo like back on that month in my early twenties. lol. I just am not that kind of girl. I am also not the kind of girl to sit at home and play dnd. I don’t know what I am really except that I am laid back, but I’m super aware of my surroundings. I love dancing. I just like to do it at home or like in a house. I don’t know if the memories of trying to not have tons of frat boys rub on my while I dance turns me off of the “going to the club” idea but in my head I just get this sense of boardom.  It’s not as freeing and relaxing like doing it at home….I guess?

I kind of  feel bad about not going tonight  though. Mostly because I said I would because the person who asked just got major dumped by her boyfriend.

It’s not like I didn’t try to go. I did. but I really hate driving. and now the waking up early for work and stresses of the day have caught up with me. I’m worn out.

I want to hang out with my husband.

I want to just have fun in a calm way. That could include dancing in my living room.

I don’t want to hook my friend up at a club. I don’t believe in that kind of behavior.

I just want to be me. I had to be someone else for sooo freaking long.

I JUST DON’T WANT TO AND I DONT WANT YO U TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. gah

Advertisements

August 13, 2010. Tags: , , , , . ahh people, old friends, silly little things, stupidness in public. 1 comment.

WEDDING 2010!!!!

July 17, 2010. Tags: , , , , , . old friends, Wedding stuff. Leave a comment.

a letter to a friend in the air force

________s!!!!
I’m so proud of you for getting through bootcamp. I can’t believe you will be done in just a few weeks!
What Is an MRE Lunch?  Maranaded Radish Enchiladas? I could Google it but I’ll just wait patiantly for you to fill me in.
I have just three weeks as well until I get hitched. So I’ve been driving back and forth from Vancouver to Walla every week it seems. Well anyway while driving through a canyon Boysquared and I saw  a fighter, jet It kind of looked like an F-117 Nighthawk (awesome… I googled that) but it probably wasnt. It zoomed right past us along the river, into a back flip into the clouds. It was super cool and It also reminded me that I still needed to find a cool post card to send you.
Well I miss having you close by but I’m super stoked to hear about your adventures in the airforce. Are you heading straight to tech school after this or do you get a small break inbetween.
You are in my thoughts. I hope you have a great couple of weeks!

June 12, 2010. Tags: , . old friends, silly little things, stupidness in public. Leave a comment.

Hey! That’s my childhood you’re referring to and you’re wrong!

I feel like someone has just put a blanket over my childhood and lied about it and there is no way for me to correct them.

Because of this:

“grew up in strictly religious households before they discovered the higher power of rock ‘n’ roll and decided to leave the church behind them.”‘

What the AAAAAAA are you talking about? ok ok I did grow up in a “religious household”, I’ll give you that but where do you get off saying that I didn’t listen to rock n’ roll I’m pretty sure I’ve listened to that my whole life acutally I’ll trump you that with saying that I actually am pretty well rounded in the music world and have listened to everything.

I’m not quite sure what listening to rock n roll has to do with having to leave the church

because I’m pretty sure I remember bringing rock n roll into the church.

I’m not leaving it.

I can’t believe you just lied about my childhood like that. I just want to say, Maybe, that was your deal dude but don’t blanket it on the rest of the group because that also includes my childhood too.

Now this is keeping me up and I really need to get some sleep.

bye~

June 5, 2010. Tags: , , , , , . ahh people, listing, old friends, pk stuff, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Seattle, Rain, Waiting, Tee shirts, Rain, Waiting

fossil, rainy day tee,

fossil.com

What I did this weekend in bullets:

  • Went to Seattle
  • It rained on the way there
  • Ate at zooks Pizza
  • Stopped raining for 30 min
  • walked around
  • hung out in super huge hotel room
  • rained
  • studied the stuff I was going to say for my interview the next day (oh by the way I went to SEATTLE FOR AN INTERVIEW)
  • cuddled with boysquared (that is what I’m calling my fiance on here now…fyi)
  • went to sleep
  • got up at 8
  • showered
  • was up in time for the continental breakfast (that was a first)
  • got ready for interview slowly because I had 3 hours till it was time
  • it was raining
  • went to interview
  • finished interview
  • it was a really cool interview
  • stopped raining for a sec
  • I walked back to hotel
  • boysquared checked us out
  • went strait to pier 66
  • ate super good fried salmon and chips
  • bought honey at the market
  • stopped by the mall to meet up with old acquaintance
  • stopped by the fossil and picked up that really cute umbrella tee
  • stopped raining
  • a little sunny
  • had really weird  bubble smoothie shake
  • got back in car
  • started raining
  • rained the whole way home
  • got home
  • stopped raining
  • felt like i accomplished a lot in one day and it felt more like a week
  • back to waiting
  • it’s currently raining

cheers~

March 30, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , . food, listing, Love, old friends, Passion for Fashion, shopping. Leave a comment.

I’m not to sure what to do with this…

Last night right before I went to sleep, I received a message on facebook from a friend who is a guy(we’ll call him PJ) I knew from high school.

the jist:

He was apologizing for lashing out at me on myspace and telling me not be his friend basically if  I wanted to just talk about other people. but that he has felt terrible for doing that because I’ve always been nice to him and such and our mutual friend RIP would not like how he was acting to me.

Just to ketch ya’ll up.

About a year and a half ago I messaged him (PJ) on myspace asking him what some of our other friends from high school were up to.

He messgaed me and said ” I notice you keep takin me off your friend list. If you dont want to be my friend then why bother talking to me.”

Our other mutual friends from high school are guys so I don’t know if he(PJ) just said this to me because he didn’t want to talk about a guy that wasn’t him or what. He (PJ)also mentioned in the response that I had not kept ignoring his friend requests  and was still messaging him.

The thing is with my list of “friends” on those sites is this:

  • I disliked high school maybe because the whole time i was just the new girl
  • maybe it was because the guys were really mean (obversely not the guys I’m talking about in this post)
  • perhaps it’s because when I think about that specific place lets call it wink I get this really HUGE butterfly in my stomach, my eyes slightly water, my face gets really hot and all I want to do is punch something. (it’s not a good feeling)
  • if you look at my list of friends there are next to no one from high school on it and i do that on purpose

All of these reasons make me want to just ignore that part of my life and the people in them.

On top of that right before I moved a close friend to both me and PJ passed away…and not in a good way…in a violent way that gives me nightmares and makes me not want to drive at night.

for this reason alone I have a desire to continue letting PJ be in my life but also I have this really strong reaction to turn around and not look because the emotions are so overwhelming. It just feels better to not think about what happened… but then I feel really bad because I feel like I’m just abandoning PJ and our friend RIP would not appreciate that to much.

Anyways, Last night when I saw PJ’s email out of the blue. When I saw him mention RIP. My eyes teared up and I really wanted to tell him that I forgive him and I wanted to tell him about why I had been acting so weird with the friends request. but every  time this morning when I go to message him back I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if he will understand. Plus, there are tons of questions I have but I don’t want to be yelled at again.

I also don’t want to scroll done my friends list and be reminded of RIP.

I don’t know what to do right now but I do know that I will eventually message him back.

hopefully he will let me ask as many questions as I want?

later~

February 10, 2010. Tags: , , , , , . evil high school, old friends. Leave a comment.