I know what you said, but I’m the real reason.

You know how people say children blame themselves for their parents divorce.  Well I do that but whenever my parents have to  move to a new church I know the “real” underling reason has to do with me. Now I know perfectly well that whenever we had to move growing up it wasn’t because of me but the little conciseness in the back of my head will always wisper in my ear telling me other wise , and that voice always partly convinces me. Now this blaming thing didn’t happen for me until about middle school when we where moving from North Dakota back to Texas. I had moved 3 times previously in my lifetime.

Now here is were I’m going to list the reason why we had to move everytime and I’ll even list the reason why my parents had to move even when I didn’t live with them or was even was apart of the church they were  in at the moment. (the last part is what makes me want to push the little whispers in my head over a cliff… because there is no way it’s truth)

Move from North Dakota from Texas: My parents daughter (me) was into punk music (christian punk music fyi), she wore baggy jeans, she was rummered to smoke cigarettes ( i didn’t/ don’t and no one ever had evidence to see this other then i was using tanning products and i was skinny), she is too boycrazy  ( i was boycrazy)

Move from Texas to Washington: My parents daughter (me) is too vocal about what she thinks the youth group should  be more involved in ie: trouble teens lives, She doesn’t think games where you tell who your Hollywood crush is an appropriate game for youth leader meeting (it isn’t especially for a supposid God focused group and it’s call lust), She is boycrazy (by this time not really), She also isn’t very good at school.

When we moved to Washington I lived there a year so people did know me but I then moved to Oregon to go to school so I’m no longer apart of my parents moving.

Move from Washington to another place in Washington: My parents had to move because their daughter never fit in with their popular kids and never attended their after high school group called acts. Also, she liked punk music and didn’t hang out with the church kids. ( on a side note I would have hung out with those kids but they were so clickish) …Also, something about those people liking my brother more then me.

My parents move from 2nd Washington place to Texas: In my head the reason for this move is because the lead pastor didn’t want to be the officiant for my wedding and the only way he felt he could get out of it was to be a not so nice word and person to my dad.  Also, this was probably fueled by my answer to his question “Why do you want me to be the officient and not your dad?” I said, ” Because I don’t want my dad to have to work on my wedding day… I just want him to be my dad.”.

and that is what goes on inside my head. I don’t know why, but sometimes they seem so true.



October 10, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , . ahh people, pk stuff. Leave a comment.

Hey! That’s my childhood you’re referring to and you’re wrong!

I feel like someone has just put a blanket over my childhood and lied about it and there is no way for me to correct them.

Because of this:

“grew up in strictly religious households before they discovered the higher power of rock ‘n’ roll and decided to leave the church behind them.”‘

What the AAAAAAA are you talking about? ok ok I did grow up in a “religious household”, I’ll give you that but where do you get off saying that I didn’t listen to rock n’ roll I’m pretty sure I’ve listened to that my whole life acutally I’ll trump you that with saying that I actually am pretty well rounded in the music world and have listened to everything.

I’m not quite sure what listening to rock n roll has to do with having to leave the church

because I’m pretty sure I remember bringing rock n roll into the church.

I’m not leaving it.

I can’t believe you just lied about my childhood like that. I just want to say, Maybe, that was your deal dude but don’t blanket it on the rest of the group because that also includes my childhood too.

Now this is keeping me up and I really need to get some sleep.


June 5, 2010. Tags: , , , , , . ahh people, listing, old friends, pk stuff, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Good enough for me

I’m upset and disappointed.

Maybe, It’s because I believe in God and know that He is capable of anything and everything so I don’t feel the need to question anything. The answer, ” it’s possible through God” is satisfying to me. Actually, it makes me feel closer to God like he is giving me a big hug.  I don’t feel the need to question it, ponder it, I just know. I just know that God has a plan and even though I don’t know for a fact how it started and all the little details behind every little thing that happens on earth I do know that God is Good. And just so you know I do know how the earth began and how it ends. It’s written in the Bible. It was God breathed. I don’t need to know anything else if I did God would tell me. One day I will know all the details…when I’m in heaven. I guess since I know that one day I will know how every thing happened, that is good enough for me because eventually I will know so why worry about it now.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: I don’t understand why everyone is thinking so hard when all the answers are right in front of you.

” I can’t see the wind, but I can see the effects of the wind”


June 4, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , . Love, pk stuff, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.