I guess I don’t deserve grace

Hi I know I drove through the cross walk. I know you were on your way through the crosswalk. Like I tried to say when you rudely interrupted me. I was looking a row one to far up for the crosswalk and as i realized that i was right in the middle of it when you were in it so i hurried through it so we wouldn’t collide. I’m sorry sometimes people make mistakes. Can’t we just be relived that nothing bad happend. It’s not like I went through the crosswalk and had no idea you were in it. I know my mistake and I’m really sorry…can you let me say that to you instead of interrupting Saying” no… yell yell yell.”  And yes since you did  interupt…yes i did just walk away from you. because No I am not going to stand there have you yell at me and not let me say anything.

people make mistakes at least let them explain themselves with out the automatic yelling.

gah.

Sorry

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January 14, 2012. Tags: , , , , . ahh people. Leave a comment.

I know what you said, but I’m the real reason.

You know how people say children blame themselves for their parents divorce.  Well I do that but whenever my parents have to  move to a new church I know the “real” underling reason has to do with me. Now I know perfectly well that whenever we had to move growing up it wasn’t because of me but the little conciseness in the back of my head will always wisper in my ear telling me other wise , and that voice always partly convinces me. Now this blaming thing didn’t happen for me until about middle school when we where moving from North Dakota back to Texas. I had moved 3 times previously in my lifetime.

Now here is were I’m going to list the reason why we had to move everytime and I’ll even list the reason why my parents had to move even when I didn’t live with them or was even was apart of the church they were  in at the moment. (the last part is what makes me want to push the little whispers in my head over a cliff… because there is no way it’s truth)

Move from North Dakota from Texas: My parents daughter (me) was into punk music (christian punk music fyi), she wore baggy jeans, she was rummered to smoke cigarettes ( i didn’t/ don’t and no one ever had evidence to see this other then i was using tanning products and i was skinny), she is too boycrazy  ( i was boycrazy)

Move from Texas to Washington: My parents daughter (me) is too vocal about what she thinks the youth group should  be more involved in ie: trouble teens lives, She doesn’t think games where you tell who your Hollywood crush is an appropriate game for youth leader meeting (it isn’t especially for a supposid God focused group and it’s call lust), She is boycrazy (by this time not really), She also isn’t very good at school.

When we moved to Washington I lived there a year so people did know me but I then moved to Oregon to go to school so I’m no longer apart of my parents moving.

Move from Washington to another place in Washington: My parents had to move because their daughter never fit in with their popular kids and never attended their after high school group called acts. Also, she liked punk music and didn’t hang out with the church kids. ( on a side note I would have hung out with those kids but they were so clickish) …Also, something about those people liking my brother more then me.

My parents move from 2nd Washington place to Texas: In my head the reason for this move is because the lead pastor didn’t want to be the officiant for my wedding and the only way he felt he could get out of it was to be a not so nice word and person to my dad.  Also, this was probably fueled by my answer to his question “Why do you want me to be the officient and not your dad?” I said, ” Because I don’t want my dad to have to work on my wedding day… I just want him to be my dad.”.

and that is what goes on inside my head. I don’t know why, but sometimes they seem so true.

later

October 10, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , . ahh people, pk stuff. Leave a comment.

When reading

When reading things do you ever just stop and wonder were on earth is this coming from. How has the world and society gotten to this place. ( I know and am planning on being vague)

 

Mostly I just want to say why don’t people work towards being more well rounded? Why don’t people research what they are doing. Why can’t people branch out? Why do they have to complicate things?

These are the questions I am left wondering after reading an article I found online.

 

anyways.

later

May 29, 2011. Tags: , , , . ahh people, stupidness in public. Leave a comment.

The way things…were said

Things that where said to me on Saturday that I was offended by but wasn’t sure if you were being serious or sarcastic.

1. “What do you want to do? Since it’s ALL about YOU”
2. “Tell me what she doesn’t look cute in”
3. “Thanks for taking charge while we walked around downtown”

I guess you had to hear how they where said.

Later~

April 17, 2011. Tags: , , . ahh people, listing, stupidness in public, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

nonscencical

I’m having a hard time wording things so that people give me the right answer. It sounds like I have a hard time communicating my thoughts? Nope, it’s not that. It’s not the communicating something on a large scale. It’s the saying something to someone in passing. It’s usually a quick question that never seems to come out correctly. Well I think it comes off clear but I always get an answer about something else. It’s probably half my falt that I don’t correct it after they answer but by the time I get the wrong answer I just figure it’s easier to figure it out myself or I realize the issue isn’t really a problem anyways. Also, most of the time I do ask a question it is mostly because I already know the answer, I just like to group problem solve. I guess it’s mostly for validation. Anyways, this is why I feel soooo ahhhhh alone.

April 12, 2011. Tags: , , , . ahh people, silly little things, stupidness in public, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

oops

So I couldn’t remember my password and couldn’t be bothered to push the reset password button….thus I’ve been away from this blog for a while. Any who. I’ve been twittering and the topics are starting to get lengthy so I think I’ll start writing them in here. Plus, I feel like it will actually get read here as apposed to my twitter.

December 2, 2010. Tags: , , , . ahh people, POP Culture, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Just talk to me

Dear People!

If you hate bra shopping sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much then talk to me. That is why I just asked you if you were finding everything ok. So you would have an in to ask me what you need. I will have you in and out of that fitting room in 20min, 45 if you are the picky type.

That is why I’m standing here.

~later

September 1, 2010. Tags: , , . ahh people, Love, Passion for Fashion, POP Culture, silly little things, stupidness in public. Leave a comment.

80’s really?

I know that I am exactly in my mid twenties but the idea of going out to a club seems sooo like back on that month in my early twenties. lol. I just am not that kind of girl. I am also not the kind of girl to sit at home and play dnd. I don’t know what I am really except that I am laid back, but I’m super aware of my surroundings. I love dancing. I just like to do it at home or like in a house. I don’t know if the memories of trying to not have tons of frat boys rub on my while I dance turns me off of the “going to the club” idea but in my head I just get this sense of boardom.  It’s not as freeing and relaxing like doing it at home….I guess?

I kind of  feel bad about not going tonight  though. Mostly because I said I would because the person who asked just got major dumped by her boyfriend.

It’s not like I didn’t try to go. I did. but I really hate driving. and now the waking up early for work and stresses of the day have caught up with me. I’m worn out.

I want to hang out with my husband.

I want to just have fun in a calm way. That could include dancing in my living room.

I don’t want to hook my friend up at a club. I don’t believe in that kind of behavior.

I just want to be me. I had to be someone else for sooo freaking long.

I JUST DON’T WANT TO AND I DONT WANT YO U TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. gah

August 13, 2010. Tags: , , , , . ahh people, old friends, silly little things, stupidness in public. 1 comment.

Hey! That’s my childhood you’re referring to and you’re wrong!

I feel like someone has just put a blanket over my childhood and lied about it and there is no way for me to correct them.

Because of this:

“grew up in strictly religious households before they discovered the higher power of rock ‘n’ roll and decided to leave the church behind them.”‘

What the AAAAAAA are you talking about? ok ok I did grow up in a “religious household”, I’ll give you that but where do you get off saying that I didn’t listen to rock n’ roll I’m pretty sure I’ve listened to that my whole life acutally I’ll trump you that with saying that I actually am pretty well rounded in the music world and have listened to everything.

I’m not quite sure what listening to rock n roll has to do with having to leave the church

because I’m pretty sure I remember bringing rock n roll into the church.

I’m not leaving it.

I can’t believe you just lied about my childhood like that. I just want to say, Maybe, that was your deal dude but don’t blanket it on the rest of the group because that also includes my childhood too.

Now this is keeping me up and I really need to get some sleep.

bye~

June 5, 2010. Tags: , , , , , . ahh people, listing, old friends, pk stuff, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.